"Life is not what I thought it was, 24 hours ago"...

Well, I'm back. It's been quite a break, I know. You would think that there would be mass chaos when I stop writing about my life...but I guess not.

I usually stop blogging when I'm busy or feeling a little down, both of which have been true lately. Adding tutoring to my schedule, while it is only two days a week, has made me feel that much more like I am always doing something. That translates into feeling tired when I'm at home, which translates into going to bed early and not blogging. I haven't even been watching "The Daily Show" lately. Sometimes I make it through the first 5 minutes before my eyes start refusing to stay open.

I've felt a little down lately too. The period of my life I'm currently in just feels weird. I'm constantly confronted by the fact that I'm not really doing what I imagined myself doing, although at the same time I'm not exactly sure what I thought I would be doing. God is also showing me more and more that I am not at all the person He wants me to be. This seems like an obvious fact, but I think that in my mind I always have this hunch that deep down I'm not too bad of a guy. I think the new frustrations and responsibilities in my life have brought out the ugliest in me, and I don't like seeing it and dealing with it.

I realize this is a little abnormal for my blog, but since I know only a handful read it I'd go ahead and write down some of my thoughts. It's apparently pretty unanimous that I am better at expressing myself through written word anyways, plus I think writing things down in an organized manner helps me work through what I'm thinking and feeling. I remain encouraged by the fact that I know God is faithful and not only has me right where He wants me, but that He has promised to continue growing me to be more like Him.

So today was my birthday, in case you didn't know. I currently am listening to "Twenty Four," as I feel it is a very appropriate way to end my day today. I asked my parents for the Jesus Culture CD/DVD which I was very excited to receive. I watched most of the DVD after I got in bed tonight, and I can already tell it is going to be one of the most incredible CD's ever. How are these songs not all over the place? Anyways, there is this one song called "You Won't Relent" that really had an impact on me. I am still deciding how I feel about some of the words, but the song really affected me so I thought I'd leave you with the words to the bridge/chorus...here you go:

"I don't want to talk about You, like You're not in the room
I want to look right at You, I want to sing right to You

You won't relent until You have it all

My heart is Yours"